Where Did Our Values Go

Two generations ahead me, and I was born in 1936, it seems my IDEAS are usually scoffed at and dismissed out of hand...

1. I grew up believing in the Ten Commandments
2. I did't sass my parents
3. I believed working hard and being honest was the way to success
4. Please, may I and Thank You were standard acts
5. I was considerate of others
6. Opened doors for others

What else do I need to do?

Growing Up Fast

Today's pace for the grandparent is mind-boggling. Surely, it would have been the same for my grandparents had they been around. When we hear "life-in-the-fast-lane" little mind is paid to it, but if most certainly belongs to the last two generations.

About 6 weeks ago my daughter and her three girls, 13, 11, 6, enjoyed an excellent meal in a white-table restaurant. The kids manner and behavior were par excellence. The big shocker was that the 11 year old was scheduled to go to California for 3 weeks on her own visiting cousins, nieces,  nephews, and friends with a sleep plans, et al, for the whole trip. My wife and I found this amazing and shocking. Only because we are in our late 70's.

Mother and daughter talked about this as if it were no big deal...but I must opine that their Dad needed some prodding to bring him into the fold. The eldest will certainly use this example when the time is right to her own end. The three weeks in the country's craziest city, Los Angeles, and an 11 rear old is socializing on her own. Supervised of course by other mom's and sisters. The trip went off without a hitch and at the blink of an eye she was home on starting her studies. All three of the girls are home schooled and advanced way beyond their years.

The gut take on this has to be that things are moving faster and faster. All three are developing naturally, just incomprehensibly fast. Lord help whomever they date and end up in a relationship with soon...finding a mate seems to be near to impossible IMO. Dad's got his hands full with the 13 year old already. Last time I heard there will be no unsupervised dating until they are 18. I swear you have never heard such bellowing from the 11 and 13 year old. Talk about losing your freedom! Dad's doing his best to slow down one part of the growing up too fast.
The end.

Running Out of Patience

Four years ago we agreed to take in our 17 year old grandson that had just lost his mother when she 40 years old. He was raised in a trailer park culture with little or no supervision or discipline. A typical scenario with a step-dad in the home was that mom would give him money to get out of her hair. That he was free to do whatever, whenever he desired has left with a 100% entitlement expectation as the key part of his personality.

 During the first year some excellent things were accomplished: He received his GED. He participated in St Joseph Catholic Church’s Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults (RCIA), a nine month program and became a Catholic. He was received into the Catholic Faith completely of his own volition. When the leader of the program asked him to be an assistant table leader he declined. For the last few years he declines to go to Mass and seems to have no desire to go to church with any longer.

He has a part-time job 15 -17 hours weekly as a bus boy at a friend of ours restaurant. Looking for more work is not on his agenda despite our urging. He has accumulated a cadre of loser friends which occupy his every waking free moment. Mostly he gawks endlessly at the idiot box, and plays all sorts of with games on someone else’s expensive electronics. We charge him nothing to live in our fully furnished garage apartment, help himself to our food, wash and dry his clothes. Also he showers daily and avails himself of a razor, blades, shaving cream, etc., etc.

He will be 22 in November and my wife is afraid if we force him to leave that something bad will happen to him. As a typical male who raised and educated three children I don’t quite see it that way. I have encouraged getting in one of the services, if he can, because now even the US Military has standards. But, is content to spend every cent he earns for his own pleasure. Recently, he has been working at the restaurant 1-2 extra days a week.

What would do if you were me?

Charlie Courtois, Retired Entrepreneur

The House Is Crowded

Two years ago my wife and I took over the care of our 18 year old grandson who's mom died tragically over a year ago. Two years later and a lot of turmoil happening while he is growing-up, and maturing has contributed to a heap of frustration and difficult decisions about how to handle a 20 year old now. About six months ago I was able to get him a 10 hours a week part-time busboy job in a Mexican restaurant, which took away some of the stress of having him lay around and do absolutely nothing but watch TV, and carouse around with his friends in the neighborhood. A bit more history to broaden the picture. His real dad divorced our grandson's mom about 12 years ago, and has not provided any help whatsoever in helping to raise his son. He left the State and left his ex-wife to carry the load. This was not contested by the wife, and throughout those years we had some contact with him, and toward the end we spoke sporadically on the telephone, usually when he wanted some money. What we discovered two years ago was that our grandson had the maturity of a 13-14 year old. His high school was incomplete, but the fact that he had not even completed the ninth grade completely was a real shock. We guided him through getting his GED, and one small step in the right direction was achieved. But, there is a big, big, problem! He thinks that he is entitled to have us care for him, feed him, and let him roll along with us footing the bill, just because he feels we have plenty of money. Which we do, but he needs to learn how to take care of himself. No? Now here is why the is too crowded. On Thanksgiving week last year guess what happens? His long last dad calls us and tells that he is arriving on a bus in Atlanta, and could we drive up there and pick him up. We are happy and we are not happy, we are going to have to wait and see what happens. Wait we have, and father and son are attempting to get along. But, now we have two free-loaders eating and drinking (beer), smoking, and not contributing much. As of November we demanded that the grandson pay $100.00 a month rent, food, and everything else. My wife is at her wits end, and has decided that her son has to leave by February 1st, no ifs ands or buts. Happy New Year!

A Simple Explanation For An Impossible Problem - What Woud You Do?

This rather brilliantly cuts thru all the political doublespeak we get........... Food for thought..... This puts it into a much better perspective and is the same for many countries in Europe ... Why the U.S. was downgraded?: * U.S. Tax revenue: $2,170,000,000,000 * Fed budget: $3,820,000,000,000 * New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000 * National debt: $14,271,000,000,000 * Recent budget cuts: $ 38,500,000,000 Let's now remove 8 zeros and pretend it's a household budget: * Annual family income: $21,700 * Money the family spent: $38,200 * New debt on the credit card: $16,500 * Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710 * Total budget cuts: $385 Got It ????? OK now Lesson # 2: Here's another way to look at the Debt Ceiling: Let's say, You come home from work and find there has been a sewer backup in your neighborhood....and your home has sewage all the way up to your ceilings. What do you think you should do? ...... Raise the ceilings, or pump out the crap? Your choice is coming Nov. 2012 Author: The Email Fairy

The New Crises of Enabling

That we have been indoctrinated by five decades of expecting something-for-nothing is the reason many children and grandchildren have been enabled by their parents and or caretakers. There are a few areas of my current life that this condition is critical right this minute.

A year and a quarter ago, my wife and I took on the responsibility for caring for our eighteen year old grandson. We had an apartment set-up as a guest area, and it didn't seem that we would be involved in a great deal of expense to take care of him. It turns out that there are several key issues in the lads life which were hidden from us which involved the police, a charge of "obstructing justice of an officer" that carries a misdemeanor penalty. A violation of parole led to an arrest and a large fine. Ouch! 

Next came studying for the GED, nine months, and looking for a job, and getting his drivers license. These things finally got accomplished, and one huge plus, is that he decided to join the Catholic faith, completely of his own volition and has been faithful to this commitment to this day. The piece of the puzzle that is missing is that throughout all of this time he has supposed to have been looking for employment. It hasn't happened.

Now that we have given him a deadline, and an "or else," ultimatum he has made a tiny effort towards finding work, any work. But, the real problem is that he is comfortable doing nothing. More tomorrow about enabling.

Mr. President - Stop Making Promises That Can't Be Kept

There is too much confusion in Washington. Congress is out of control and they can't decide what is right for the people. That I what we sent you to Washington for as legislators, you senators and representatives, Obama too.

 It is high time that Congress listened to what the "Parents" and the "Grandparents" think. Next election is very near; the people who came to Town Hall Meetings, and Tea Parties are not "kooks" or "radicals" or "fanatics," we are simple people who do not want you to destroy our:

• ECONOMY - by printing trillions of dollars that we do not have, nor will we ever have in this decade; this printing will render all the grandparents saving almost worthless.
• WAY-OF-LIFE - we don't want, nor like, the Marxist leaning Czars and people who are bringing their "progressive" ideas to bear on the whole nation;  Cap & Trade, Bailouts,and their effects on our nation are just two of the worst debacles of this century. These radicals are not what America voted for as a part of change.
• MONEY - the US has been the leader of the free world for more than a century, and our currency has been trusted by every nation in the world; now our fiscal behavior is being questioned by, China, Europe, and many others and we are in danger of a complete monetary meltdown because our debtors have their doubts that we ever be able to repay our bonds.

The mood in the country is so bad now, that we don't believe anything we hear. Washington better start listening, because the time for political polarization is over. Now is the time for leaving the politics at the door and making sure that:

• The printing presses for new money stop
• No new spending until we cut our debt in half
• Read a bill, before you sign it
• Publish every bill so the public can read it before they are voted on
• Stop and desist making promises you can't keep
• Tell us exactly what something costs, nothing hidden
• Stop the obfuscation - lies are lies and it is high time to cease telling untruths to the people

GLEN BECK'S COMMENTS: "It's becoming clearer everyday that there is no way we can sustain this spending. It doesn't take a genius to look at all of the things our government wants to do (government health care, cap-and-trade, bailouts, universal college) and realize we can't afford it. Which means there must not be many geniuses in the fringe media, because they still think these are just anti-Obama rallies."

"They are not."

"Moms and dads and grandparents and kids all across America have, up until now, been on the sidelines, content to live their lives and just try to make it through the day."

Read the whole article. Mom's and Dads of America have had enough

If you are one of the millions of concerned seniors or mothers who want to send Washington your message, then please help me organize a referendum to empower the people who the government is not listening to in these debates. Sitting around stewing about it is not enough!

Comment here on this blog and ask questions, and then tell me how you feel. As a group we can make something happen. This is not a political issue, this is a matter of preserving our nation as we have known it since World War II.

Charlie Courtois
cbcourtois@gmail.com
Permanent web site under construction  GrandParentsUnite